18. Cockeyed optimist. Quote lover. Avid shoe wearer.
I’m sorry, but this is probably gonna take a while.
1) For me, looking into someone’s eyes while I tell them how I feel is hardest, mostly because I don’t really like to tell people how I feel. Eye contact is so freaking intimate, and pair that with me spilling my soul? Yeah, that’s hard.
2) I don’t get REALLY angry often, but when I do it’s not pretty. I was angry because someone I used to respect completely disregarded his family and made it seem like the fucked up thing he did wasn’t actually his fault. I’ve moved on from anger, though it still bothers me.
3) Assuming somebody thought to alert the proper authorities, I’d call my sister. I’d tell her that I love her, and I’m proud of her, and that she’s quite honestly the strongest woman I know. I’d tell her that I love our family, and that her children are going to grow up to be wonderful people.
4) I’m gonna tell absolutely no one. I spend my remaining days with my family and friends, telling them how I really feel, no matter what. I’d spend my last hours writing letters for my nieces and nephews for important days like their graduations, weddings, or the first time they really miss me. As for afraid, I’ll quote J.K. Rowling. “After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
5) I choose trust. Trust without love can still be beautiful. Love without trust is heartbreaking and sad and horrible.
6) I would save the dog. I mean, is that even a real question?
7) I would rather be hurt by the one I love the most. Love is a fire that can be rebuilt. Trust is often a mirror that can’t be repaired.
8) If my best friend told me she was falling in love with me, I’d tell her I’m falling for her too. I’d tell her that she deserves so much more than my fucked up mess. I’d tell her that I love her, and that I want her to be happy.
9) Yep, I’m a selfish bitch. The last person I know who passed away did so only after a long, courageous battle with a very terrible disease that left her body broken beyond repair. I wouldn’t give her another hour, because I know she would be in terrible pain, and I wouldn’t want her to go through that. She said her goodbyes and made her peace.
10) I’m kind of a terrible friend. I avoid social encounters, I’m obnoxious, and I tend to meddle in things that aren’t my concern. But I’m also the friend that will send random good mornings and check up on you if you haven’t text me in two days. I think I’d be friends with me.
11) Hell to the no. Love is a feeling, deep within one’s soul. Sex can be had without love. Love can be felt without sex.
12) I go to my coworker and offer to find them a better position at another workplace. If that doesn’t work, I’d go to my boss and offer to quit. I would consult my coworker, because what if they wanted to leave the company?
13) I told my sister how I felt about my dad. It was hard, because he used to be a man I greatly respected, but I now know who he really is. It was more freeing than difficult because I knew she would listen without judgment.
14) That I do not love them. The last time I told someone I didn’t love them, he ended up stalking me for over a year and a bunch of other bad stuff happened. Telling someone I love them is a happy time, or at least it should be.
15) The hardest thing to give up would be my hearing. I don’t even know if that can be given up, but I’m just gonna go with it because I don’t really care about my physical possessions. I think I’d go crazy if I never heard my nephew laugh again, or my sister curse, or a cello sonata.
16) I told my sister I loved her last night when she left my house.
17) If I could change any moment in the last month, I’d change the moment I tried to kill myself. I’d call my sister and ask about her babies, or call my best friend and ask about her tennis camp. I would stop myself from self-harming.
18) Yes I would give a homeless person CPR. Like, why wouldn’t I? Every person deserves to live.
19) I’d let go of my grandmother’s hand because she’d never forgive me if I didn’t. She’d tell me that infant has it’s entire life ahead of it.
20) Yup. I live in the world of opening doors, standing when a lady enters the room, and cloth napkins at dinner.
21) I guess I was nice when I held the door open for a group of strangers at the book store on Saturday.
22) True love with the broken heart, because it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
23) If I could wish for anything in the world, I’d wish that my best friend to see herself the way I see her: beautiful.
Gracias, anon :)
The first time you told me that you wanted to kill yourself, I should have called your mother instead of letting you think you could rely on something as shifty and indifferent as me. I shouldn’t have written you poetry. I should have cradled the phone like a newborn and driven all the way to Texas, shown up on the doorstep in that indiscriminate heat just to open my arms to you.
It’s just that I am selfish and gas is expensive and it’s hard to tell the difference between wanting to die and just wanting to sink for a while. It’s just that I knew a boy once who only said those words to me when he wanted my undivided attention and my legs spread in the back of his car. It’s just that I thought it was one thing to want to die and another thing to pick up kitchen knives.
When you showed me that it was the same thing, I went through an entire season of not even wanting to stand near cutting boards because of the steady chop chop chop. Because of the slice. Removing the skin. Cutting out the bad bits. It’s like watching someone yanking out weeds from the root when you have dandelion veins.
I had a dream a few weeks ago of throwing all of the sharp objects in your house onto the roof. I had a dream about burying them in the backyard so you couldn’t lay out treasure maps on your skin anymore. I had a dream about driving all the way to Texas just to end up crying in your mother’s lap.
I’m sorry it took me so long to understand. And I am sorry that I ended up understanding too well. I am still selfish and gas prices are still high and now I spend too much time having to wrap my arms around myself to ever let go long enough to hold someone else together.
I should have called your mother. I should have called your mother. I should have called your mother.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend’s Asshole Best Friend Says, “Hey, Never Trust Anything That Bleeds For Seven Days And Doesn’t Die,
OR The Only Poem I’ll Ever Write About Periods.
Don’t excuse him because he’s had
at least three lite beers
and is sweating through his black button down
that his mom or exgirlfriend
probably bought him.
Don’t excuse him because he’s been turned down
by the last six girls he went on dates with
after meeting them on tindr
with a picture that’s seven years old
Don’t excuse him because
he’s usually such a nice guy
because you don’t want to be a bitch
because you don’t want to cause a scene
because when you were seventeen
your sister told you
no one likes an angry feminist
Let me explain something to you.
Every goddamn motherfucking month since I was eleven,
a part of me
tore itself to shreds
ripped itself apart inside me
and then remade itself.
So yes, I bleed for seven days
and I don’t die
You know what else can do that?
Things of legend.
Fuck, I can even
So I say, never trust anything that can’t
bleed for seven days and not die.
You know what that makes it?
So let’s see, hon,
What you’re made of.
If you can bleed for seven days
and not die.
Rip out his jugular with your teeth.
And when he bleeds for seven seconds
spit on his corpse and say,
I thought not.
Mental illnesses aren’t clear cut. Symptoms over lap. Symptoms contradict. Some days are better than others. Some days are worse than others. It can get messy. No matter where you are on the spectrum- your thoughts & feelings are valid. You are precious. You deserve to be listened to. You deserve compassion. Just because X over there is struggling a bit more than you today, it doesn’t make you any less worthy of support.
this is really selfish but
why can’t mental illness be like any other kind of sickness where you go to hospital and your loved ones come and give you flowers and tell you that they love you and hold your hand and make sure you get better
why doesn’t that happen instead of awkward silences and embarrassing tears and messy bedsheets and a bunch of other stuff no one actually talks about
w h y
I can’t find a single selfish thing in that.
|1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?|
|2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?|
|3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?|
|4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?|
|5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.|
|6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?|
|7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?|
|8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?|
|9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?|
|10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?|
|11. Does love = sex?|
|12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?|
|13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?|
|14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?|
|15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?|
|16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?|
|17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?|
|18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?|
|19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?|
|20. Are you old fashioned?|
|21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?|
|22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?|
|23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?|